5 Ways to Start Talking About Your Desires (Without Feeling Awkward)

Let's be honest: talking about what you want in bed can feel absolutely terrifying.

What if they judge you? What if they're shocked? What if they think you're weird, or worse – what if they laugh?

These fears keep so many of us silent about our desires, settling for "fine" when we could be having mind-blowing experiences. But here's the truth: unless you're willing to have these conversations, it's nearly impossible to build the kind of trust and intimacy that makes exploration feel safe and exciting.

The good news? You don't have to dive into the deep end. Here are five low-pressure ways to start talking about your desires with your partner – no awkward "we need to talk" moments required.

1. Turn It Into a Game (Yes, Really)

Remember how much easier it was to admit crushes during drinking games in college? That same principle applies here. Games like "Never Have I Ever" create a playful atmosphere that takes the pressure off.

Why it works: You're in complete control of what you share, and you can gauge your partner's reaction in a low-stakes environment. Plus, the playful atmosphere makes everything feel less serious and more fun.

Pro tip: Start with tamer statements and gradually work up to spicier ones as you both get comfortable.

2. Use Media as a Conversation Starter

There's a reason why books like ACOTAR and 50 Shades are beloved by many; they verbalise some of our deepest desires and allow us to experience them safely. Sharing your favourite scenes with your partner is a good way to start a conversation when you can't find the words yourself.

Why it works: There's no immediate pressure to act on anything. You're just exploring ideas together, and your partner has time to process without feeling put on the spot.

3. Practice with Something Small and Low-Stakes

Some fantasies can feel mortifying to share aloud. But starting small with something that feels more comfortable can help you learn that we all feel the same way.

Example: You want to try BDSM. Start small with hair-pulling, holding wrists down or light spanking to see how you both respond.

Why it works: You're building trust, finding out what feels good for you and normalising discussions that might end in rejection.

4. Create a Yes/No/Maybe List Together

This is a game-changer for couples who want to explore but aren't sure where to start. You can find templates online or create your own list of activities, fantasies, and experiences.

How it works: Both partners privately mark each item as:

• Yes (definitely interested)
• No (not interested)
• Maybe (curious but need more info)

Then compare lists and start with the mutual "yeses."

Why it works: It removes the guesswork and fear of judgment. You're only discussing things you both marked as interesting!

5. Use the Compliment Sandwich

Start with something you love about your current sex life, introduce something new you'd like to try, then end with more appreciation.

Example: "I love how connected I feel when we're together. I've been curious about trying [desire], I think it could be really fun for us. You always make me feel so safe to explore new things."

Why it works: It frames desires as additions to an already good thing, not criticisms of what's lacking.

Remember: Timing Is Everything

Choose your moment wisely:

• ✅ During a relaxed evening at home
• ✅ After a glass of wine (but not drunk)
• ✅ During afterglow cuddles
• ❌ During an argument
• ❌ Right before work
• ❌ When either of you is stressed

Start Small, Build Trust

You don't have to share your wildest fantasy right away. Start with smaller desires and build up as you both get more comfortable with these conversations. Each successful conversation makes the next one easier.

The Bottom Line

Your desires are valid. Your curiosity is normal. And you deserve a sex life that excites you.

Yes, these conversations can feel vulnerable at first, but vulnerability is the birthplace of intimacy. The partner who's right for you will appreciate your honesty and courage in sharing what you want.

Remember: the awkwardness of having the conversation is temporary, but the benefits of being able to communicate openly about your desires? That's forever.